Well,what a beautiful topic to discuss: HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR, and so much to Learn . IF YOU Have problems like
1.You are afraid of Public speaking 2.Feel shy to talk to opposite gender
3.Fear of Failure 4.Fear of Rejection
5.Fear of talking to strangers and thereby struggling to develop a Rapport 6. Or Any form of fears like fear of heights
You have come to right place.Just stick around till the end of this blog, and you will find the answer about how to overcome fear.
These are the most common types of fears which I have seen in so many people ,including myself . These fears are doing a lot of harm to your mind and your performance . Trust me , these fears will plummet your growth and stop you from playing your biggest game. Often people get perplexed about “How to overcome fear?”, and the answer is so simple and most of us know the answer!! SO lets start….
PSYCHOLOGY OF FEAR IN LAYMAN TERMS(What I THINK ABOUT FEAR)
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ‘FEARS’ INSIDE YOU?
Do You know , How we create a fear? Because we all know, we were born with no fears but as we age we let our ambience and experiences affect us. DO YO KNOW WHO IS ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FEARS THAT YOU HAVE INSIDE YOU??
Its ‘YOU ‘ who is responsible . THIS MIGHT OSTENSIBLY LOOK WRONG, BUT IT IS TRUE,because, Life is gonna throw a lot of shit at you , Finally it depends on your perception as to how you will let that shit affect you. You have the power to choose ‘what actions’ you will take. You have control on what you will think and do. RIGHT? SOMETIMES we don’t know that we have the power to ‘CHOSE’ or we were just too small to ponder , and accepted the fear. We made ‘ that fear’ an identity of our OURSELVES because we didn’t know at hitherto that fears sabotage our life.
HOW FEAR IS FORMED
Fear is formed when we fail to do something repeatedly. For example ,let us take the fear of public speaking. I had this fear for years .I was so afraid to speak in front of a crowd that I never gave my name for the class assembly which used to occur like once in a year!! And now when I realize HOW THE HELL the ‘FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING ‘ GOT IMBUED IN ME , I GET A VERY SIMPLE ANSWER.
AND THE ANSWER IS THAT ,GETTING AFRAID IS NATURAL AND IMPORTANT. THERE’S NO ONE IN THIS WORLD WHO NEVER FELT FEAR WHEN THEY HAD TO DO SAY.. PUBLIC SPEAKING !! RIGHT? PEOPLE WHO CONTINUOUSLY DO THE THINGS THEY FEAR, BECOME GOOD AT IT. AS SIMPLE AS THAT.
BUT FAILING TO ACT ON the fear IS WHAT I THINK IS THE CORE PROBLEM . FAILING TO ACT ON THAT FIRST GLANCE OF FEAR IS WHAT LEADS TO THE NURTURING OF FEAR INSIDE US.
THIS IS HOW FEAR DEVELOPS. TO MAKE THE PICTURE MORE CLEAR , AS I SAID BEFORE , I HAD THIS FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING. NOW IMAGINE IF I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO UNDERSTAND AND RECOGNIZE THIS FEAR OF MINE AND THEN HAD STARTED TAKING ACTIONS LIKE ANSWERING IN CLASS, TAKING PART IN GROUP DISCUSSION ETC.. I WOULD HAVE GRADUALLY ELIMINATED THE FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING. AND THEN BY THE NEXT YEAR I MUST HAVE BEEN IN A POSITION TO GIVE MY NAME FOR THE CLASS ASSEMBLY .
BUT BY FAILING TO ACT AGAINST IT , I CONTINUED TO FED THIS FEAR OF MINE. IT GREW AND GREW ,INSIDE ME.
THIS IS SO FUCKING TRUE FOR ALL THE FEARS LIKE PHOBIAS, FEAR OF FAILURE etc THAT ARE INSIDE YOU . SO ASK YOURSELF, WILL YOU CONTINUE TO FEED YOUR FEARS OR FEED YOUR BELIEF THROUGH ACTIONS?
A TAD ABOUT MY FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING
I was like so fucking shy and imbued with fears of rejection and failure, I was belittling myself. Instead of making my life Big, I was skewing it by shitty actions. And the freaking part is that I was living without noticing the fears which were growing inside myself. FOLLOW THESE STEPS OF MINE AND YOU WILL SEE THE DIFFERENCE. First step is on how to overcome fears is to
HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR AND SOCIAL ANXIETY
IDENTIFY THE FEARS (like fear of failure , fear of people, fear of public speaking and much more)
This is the most important part and possibly the most ignored!!
What you need to do is for some time, be in solitude,and think about your life. Think about the incidents when fears overpowered you. For example: IF you are student ,their would have been experiences where you knew the answer of a question but you didn’t had the courage to answer in your class. Because you cared more about what others will think of you if the answer turns out to be wrong or maybe you didn’t had the guts to stand amid a group of 40 humans(your classmates!) and utter out some words with confidence.
Another example:You liked a boy/girl but you didn’t even try to talk to that person. You kept saying ‘God will help me”.BUT if you don’t take actions , I am afraid to say ,SOMETIMES ,even god is helpless.
SO to identify your fears, think about such experiences . Ask yourself “what stopped me from doing ,what a confident version of myself would have done?” “what kind of fear is this?” This process of Self Retrospection is just wonderful, IT will just change your perception about yourself. This is so powerful and you will realize this when you start reflecting on this process. Don’t move forward until you have been able to decipher all the fears that are present inside you.
CRUSHING THE FEARS
Now , I would like you to do is act and apply the following challenges in your life. THIS will make you a Powerful . LETS START……
The principle is :TO DO THINGS WHICH MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE . DOING UNCOMFORTABLE WILL MAKE YOU MAKE YOU COMFORTABLE.
ALL of us know this principle but so few of us act on this mantra. Time to roll up your sleeves , your phone and go out and start having fun …
I came across these challenges in THE BOOK :’THE 4 HOUR WORKWEEK’by Tim Ferris. These challenges have done so much good for me , I highly advice you to Implement these challenges.
THESE CHALLENGES WILL TAKE YOU BEYOND YOUR LIMIT. DON’T BE SHY TO IMPLEMENT THEM . IF YOU WANT TO BECOME FEARLESS , DO ACCEPT THESE CHALLENGES.
CHALLENGE 1: TO LOOK INTO THE EYES OF EVERY PERSON WHO PASSES BY YOU.
You might be wondering why the hell you need to do this? I would say this will give you the aplomb needed during conversations and public speaking . Also it will make you fearless ,Trust me.
I see so many people not having the courage to look up while walking. In crowded places they can’t see the crowd. For example: Since I am a student, I would like to give this example. I have seen that some students, when they enter their class , their heads are down , this shows they are not confident enough. Don’t fall into this category.BE FEARLESS.
You might think that everyone’s watching you , but the reality is No one gives a shit about you. Instead if you look forward and walk, like its your fucking day , this portrays you as a confident persona. I have seen that lot of girls walk in such a manner.They look down , I am not being a misogynist here, Telling you what I have seen .Girls prove me wrong whenever you are walking,OK!!
CHALLENGE 2: PROPOSE SOLUTIONS , STOP WHINING.
You have to transform yourself, and for that to happen you need to act. Think and act like a leader. In other words ,You have to lead with no title . Whenever you are stuck in some problem , start finding solutions. When you are in a group of people and something goes wrong , you will give your suggestions and initiate like a leader. Help and encourage others.This will make you a Beast. Leadership skills are so important since times immemorial , and the best part is , its learn able through practice.
CHALLENGE 3 :INITIATING THE INCEPTION OF FRIENDSHIP .
GO to a /classmate/neighbor and start up a conversation . but this should be a person with whom you had very less conversations and you always wanted to make him/her your friend . You didn’t initiated conversations with him/her because you were waiting for them to start up a conversation with you.
Don’t wait for other people to became friends with you. That is mindset of dumb humans. You are not one of those. Create opportunities and good circumstances in your life, rather than waiting for something to happen.
Having right kinds of friends is so imperative because of the power of association. When you enter into a college , or join any institution , initiate conversations with people and try to gauge their character. Choose friends who are humble, hungry for success and inspiring. They will help you to transform yourself.
CHALLENGE 4:GET PHONE NUMBERS!!
ASK for phone numbers of 2 attractive members of the opposite sex .It doesn’t matter what your age is . This challenge will remove the fear of rejection. Even though the person doesn’t gives his/her phone number , don’t stop trying. FACE REJECTION. BECOME REJECTION PROOF.
This is how you will start the conversation. “Excuse me,I know this will sound creepy and I am not stalker, I was going to meet my friend and then I saw you, I just wanted to say you are so cute , and If you don’t mind can I GET YOUR PHONE NUMBER.”.
If she/he say no , then say,” Even if you don’t want to give your number, give me any phone number. Its super important to me.”. I want you to fucking fail and fail.I need you to realize that its OK to fail. Fear of failure is a fear which resists one to continue after failing. ELON MUSK said “Failure is an option”!!! Keep on working until you get success.
CHALLENGE 5: RELAX IN PUBLIC !!!!
SIMPLY LIE DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROWDED PLACE . JUST LIE DOWN AND REMAIN SILENT . STAY IN THAT POSITION FOR 20 SECONDS . WHEN YOU WILL LIE DOWN , YOU WILL REALIZE HOW TOUGH THIS IS. AND THIS IS what you need to do. Great things are difficult, right? AS time will reach around 20 seconds the feeling of unease will wean away and you will enjoy the present moment of . I know , I may sound foolish , But this Challenge is very difficult and awkward , but if you are able to do this, you are going to become a fearless person , Trust me.
OK. NOW MY REQUEST TO YOU IS THAT MAKE THESE CHALLENGES AS A PART OF YOUR LIFESTYLE, EXCEPT THE CHALLENGES 4 AND 5.
ADOPT KEYSTONE HABITS
WHAT ARE KEYSTONE HABITS?
Keystone habits are good habits which will just change your life. Adopting keystone habits leads the person to adopt more good habits and these habits make you more confident and calm . These habit will work in tandem with you to make you the best version of yourself. THE TOP 3 KEYSTONE HABITS THAT YOU WILL START DOING AND LEARNING ARE:
1. START READING BOOKS
Reading awesome books like ‘How to win friends and influence people’, ‘Persuasion’, ‘Power of body language’ to name a few, is just wonderful. You will amass great ideas which will push you beyond your imagination . Read books of genre like SELF HELP,PSYCHOLOGY . As you progress, Read books of other genres. Make ‘reading’ a part of your living.
Reading books is awesome for you because your persona will change as you will get awe inspired and exposed to magical ideas and personalities through books who will remind you not to resist fears.YOU MUST START READING BOOKS.
2. PRACTICE MEDITATION
This will bring peace and relaxation to your brain and body . It will just change your life and don’t forget to add affirmations in you meditation routine.
For a better living , your body needs to be at its highest efficiency. Meditation will foment beautiful energy to your subconscious mind . Meditation will not help you to completely improve your social anxiety but it will teach you to live in the present .It will stop you from daydreaming and create mindfulness in your life, and this is sooo imperative .
3. START EXERCISING
Exercise is highly beneficial for your mind and body. A healthy body naturally has more fuel to work and it will help you to play your biggest game and put more hours into attaining mastery on your goals of overcoming fear.MORE ON PURPOSE AND GOALS IN COMING PARAGRAPHS.
THESE Habits will make you confident and you will become a LIFE LONG LEARNER . Eventually improving yourself and THUS eliminating anxiety and shyness. These 3 Keystone habits will indirectly influence your subconscious mind to shrug off anxiety and shyness.IN CONCLUSION START APPLYING KEYSTONE HABITS !!!
MORE THINGS TO DO
1. FIND AWE INSPIRING WORK TO DO
Its super easy to find the meaning of your life , I will make it more easy for you. First find some activities in which you are very good at, and master it.Find your passion and master it. Make goals which will lead to attainment of the Bigger picture.
Opportunities are galore in our world, and you need to find and work on the opportunities. Go to websites like skillshare. TO Know more about such awesome websites see them here:https://entrepreneurs.maqtoob.com/the-37-best-websites-to-learn-something-new-895e2cb0cad4
I see plethora of employed people who are not happy with their jobs. I come across students who don’t know where they see themselves in coming years. They don’t have goals and plans.I too was in such a position . BUT its so easy to get out of this rut . JUST TRY OUT DIFFERENT ACTIVITIES .
2. LEARN TO SAY NO
Subsequently You need to ,learn the art of saying NO . This is because You have your own priorities and you can’t waste time pleasing others. People who always say yes to everyone , don’t respect their time.
Don’t try to please everyone as this will lead to your wastage of time and energy. Its not possible to please everyone. You will need time to work on yourself. This doesn’t mean that you are being rude. Instead you are living by priorities which undoubtedly means yow will start living with purpose and living for productivity.
3.TRAVEL TO NEW PLACES
Travelling is great way to learn about new cultures and to interact with people. You will also get to know how people of other creed live . This will give you a good practice to talk to strangers and bolster your communication and body language skills.
4. LIVE LIFE ON YOUR OWN TERMS
By this I mean ,You should make decisions as per your conscience and not on others advice. Taking advice is fine but finally you need to do what you think is correct for you. This will make you more confident and embolden you to define your own life,as you are the author of your life. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOURSELF. write mark manson line
5. JOIN A NGO/GO OUT AND DO SOME WORK
GO OUT OF YOUR FUCKING COMFORTABLE HOME AND FACE THE BRUTAL REALITIES OF LIFE. You can join an NGO and work amid plethora of people where you will learn so much. OR yo can do some internship , but the point is that this will force you to be among people and it is gonna be super fun.
6. DO ACTIVITIES WHICH YOU NEVER HAVE DONE BEFORE:ONE THE BEST WAYS TO OVERCOME FEAR
For example YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN SWIMMING , BUT NEVER REALLY STARTED TAKING STEPS TO LEARN THIS SPORT , AS YOU WERE AFRAID OF FAILING. SOLUTION IS : START LEARNING SWIMMING.
One more example: During sports day in my college, I had taken part in running(100m). Later when I reached the ground, A friend of mine came to me and said ,I have to take part in Long Jump right now. I got a bit scared because I had never taken in part in this sport , but I thought that this is making me scared and life is gving me a chance to test me ,So why not just do it . I did that shit and it felt SO fucking good.I WAS FLYIN IN AIR LIKE NEVER BEFORE !!
REMOVE THESE MENTAL BARRIERS WHICH YOU HAVE CREATED FOR YOURSELF. Similarly think of activities which you are afraid of doing, and start learning it as soon as possible. When you will start learning , you will realize that this was not as hard as you had thought it to be.
7.BECOME PROACTIVE,NOT REACTIVE
Lets understand with an example. Suppose your mom shouts at you because you have made some mistake. A reactive person will give haste replies to her/his mom .Whereas a Proactive person, will first think , and question oneself ” AM I WRONG HERE.DID I MAKE ANY MISTAKE”? A PROACTIVE PERSON IS NOT INFLUENCED BY LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES AND EMOTIONS, INSTEAD THEY DEFINE THEIR LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES!! So a proactive person will admit their mistake, else they would put their argument with humility. Because they realize that their mom won’t just scold for no reason. They know the worth of Parents even in such situation where most children throw Tantrums.
Proactive means to take actions not immediately which are imbued with emotions , instead think and ask oneself. and then take actions.
BECOMING PROACTIVE ,IT WILL MAKE YOU IMPREGNABLE.
REMEMBER: CAPACITY IS A STATE OF MIND. ALL FEARS ARE SELF MADE. WE CONTINUOUSLY MAKE THEM POWERFUL BY NOT TAKING ACTIONS AGAINST THEM.
REMEMBER THIS LINE
You know my life has changed so much .I was in such a quagmire . I had no purpose in my life.I was shy, less confident and wasting my fucks in whatever life was throwing at me,dreaming about a girl etc. By adopting Keystone habits and regularly challenging myself to do things which kick the shit out of me.I have been able to improve myself . You can also do this , IT ‘S WAY EASY THAN WHAT IT SEEMS TO BE. START APPLYING the ideas which you have got .This is the key.
And remember this line from the book ‘THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK’ : THERE IS NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF IN LIFE. THIS LINE HAS ALWAYS INSPIRED ME TO TAKE ACTION .HOPE THIS WILL ALSO INSPIRE YOU TO TAKE MASSIVE ACTIONS AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO SPREAD LOVE AND HAPPINESS.
I hope this blog has answered your question ,”How to overcome fear/social anxiety”. Do comment and share this with your beloved friends and family members who have this fear thingy in their life.
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